Part 1
Life…it always has a funny way of creeping up on us when we least expect it. It can happen in an instant. You’re driving to work one day, minding your own business and out of no where, a car runs a red light. Suddenly you find yourself in the middle of the intersection; airbags deployed all around, and you, frantically checking yourself for injuries. You come home from a weekend get away with your family and the hot water tank has given way and completely flooded your home. You go to the doctor for a simple exam and the next thing you know, your sitting in his office with your head in your hands in disbelief as he tells you the devastating news. There are millions of situations just like these that we’ve all experienced. We say things like “life happens” to remind us that it’s not our fault, that sometimes things just happen. We’re can’t control everything. We take comfort in knowing these bumps in the road of life are universal. Simply knowing these things happen as a result of living in an imperfect world, can bring a modicum of relief to many of life’s difficult situations. But what about when the pain and suffering we’re experiencing is the direct result of our own bad decisions? What then? What do we tell ourselves? What happens when it was you who caused the accident because you were too busy looking at your phone? Or maybe you’re in the doctor’s office because it was you who smoked for twenty-five years. What happens when it was you who had the affair, when it was you who racked up the twelve-grand in credit card debt, it was you who had the abortion, it was you who made the advance on a co-worker. What then? These are what I refer to as self-inflicted wounds. Sometimes these wounds are the result of prolonged procrastination and sometimes they’re a direct result of one very bad decision or maybe a bevy of previous tiny bad decisions. In any case, these self-inflicted wounds are always the result of the sin residing in our hearts.
For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander. These are what defile a person.
Matthew 15:18-19b
I think there is no greater shame to overcome than the shame of self-inflicted wounds. Decisions made in haste, actions perpetrated in a state of emotional overload or life decisions made before salvation. These are the decisions that plague me more than anything in life; they’re unforgettable. I live daily with the full understanding of the harm I’ve caused, not only to my self, but also to the people I love. There are days when I can feel the full weight of the many self-inflicted wounds which have shaped a good portion of where I am today; those days are most difficult. Unfortunately for us all, there is no way to avoid self-inflicted wounds. They are inevitable. We are imperfect people making imperfect decisions in an imperfect world.
Many years ago I had beautiful and wonderful friend named Doug Wilkens. Doug was a pastor of a small church in a rural town in Skiatook Oklahoma and this guy was something to behold. He was former biker and drug dealer who found Christ and was completely transformed. Nary a pretentious bone in his body. Every fiber of who he was exuded the oil of the life of Christ. He was the epitome of what it meant to call someone of Jesus freak. His life was contagious! I imagine he was much like John the Baptist; scrappy, bold, full of compassion, and preaching a no holds barred gospel message. Unfortunately his life was cut very short when he was killed by a truck driver. Doug was sitting on his motorcycle at a stop sign waiting for traffic to cross. As he sat there, an overloaded hay truck smashed into him from behind; killing him instantly. One night, before he left this earth to begin his life eternal with Christ, he was at my home and told me he was being treated for hepatitis B. “Hepatitis?” I asked. “What happened?” He told me he had contracted the incurable disease from using used needles back in his drug days. It was a difficult thing to hear that one of my best friends was living with this terrible disease. But what struck me so deeply when he told me what happened, was not that he had contracted the disease, but rather it was his ability to say it without an ounce of shame. Although he was aware the hepatitis B racing through his veins was a direct result of his previous sin; you knew he was free from its shaming affects.
I will never stop marveling at Doug’s ability to find peace with God and with himself in his self-inflicted wounds. The temporal consequences that come as result of our self-inflicted wounds are inevitable, and the sting of those decisions will be there to greet us; sometime every morning when we wake up. How we deal with these self-inflicted wounds, might just be the difference between living a life at peace with God and living under a cloud of constant shame.
No doubt the Bible is replete with stories of men and women whose self-inflicted wounds are on display for all to see. None however, is probably more recounted than that of the infamous story of King David and Bathsheba.
In the spring of the year, the time when kings go out to battle…David remained at Jerusalem. It happened late one afternoon when David arose from his couch and was walking on the roof of the king’s house, that he saw from the roof a woman bathing; and the woman was very beautiful. And David sent and inquired about the woman. And one said, “Is not this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite?” So David sent messengers and took her, and she came to him, and he lay with her.
2 Samuel 11:1-4a ESV
There is much that could be said about the above passage, and truth be told, much has been said. What I want you to see here, is the progression of what happened in this situation, and take note of the millions of tiny sinful decisions David is making before finally landing on one big sinful decision to bring Bathsheba to his bed. Once the self-inflicted wound of adultery has been completed, the ensuing chain reaction of sinful events will send shock waves through David’s life and permanently mare his reputation as we know it today. Sadly, for David, repentance did not come immediately. It would take a curated story from the prophet Nathan, before David will fall to his knees in repentance. But even so, David will live the rest of his life with the self-inflicted wounds of adultery, murder, and the death of his newborn son. Sound bleak?
How can anyone recover from such devastation? For those who are alienated from God, unfortunately, there is no authentic recovery. The best they can hope for is to live with and learn to manage their shame. However, for those of us who have embraced the cross and accepted the atoning salvation of Christ, there is true freedom and real redemption. And that freedom and redemption comes at the price of repentance. Hear the words of David after his adulterous encounter with Bathsheba.
Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,
Psalm 51:1-4a
and cleanse me from my sin! For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight…
The fallout is real, but the sin is always against God and God alone. If we are to ever be free from the shame of our self-inflicted wounds, it is critical we recognize our sin is a sin against God and God alone. It is only then that we will find forgiveness and freedom from our shame; a freedom for which God is desirous to give.
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.
1 John 1:9-10 ESV
Chances are, you and I are not feeling the shame of murder or adultery or the other shameful acts of sin committed by David. I would venture a guess that what you and I feel most, is the shame of more routine self-inflicted wounds that have had lasting effects; consequences we are now living with as a result of our sin.
I have no doubt the Lord has forgiven me of past sins and iniquities whose consequences still remain in the present and whose pain is still felt today. But the truth is, the Lord, whose mercies are new everyday, is not burdened with facing the man in the mirror every day such as you and I are. This creates its own set of problems; not the least of which is, although we understand that God has forgiven us, how do we receive forgiven from ourselves? Why does it seem easier, in many ways, to receive forgiveness from the Lord for self-inflicted wounds than it does for me to forgive myself? I encourage you to be on the lookout for part II of this blog on Self-Inflicted Wounds where we will tackle these very questions.
Sanctuary and Stone 